


someone you maybe might be love

by orphan_account



Category: Succession (TV 2018)
Genre: Compare and Contrast, Drug Use, Friends With Benefits, M/M, No Underage Sex, Self-Indulgent, and they were ROOMMATES, refusal to talk about feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:07:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26453881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Kendall likes that Stewy doesn’t try to fit in, how he holds himself above the old money types, a sort of new-age elitism. Stewy likes that Kendall tries to fit in, likes to watch him try to mold himself into the image of the Kennedys, even though he never can get the impression quite right. Kendall likes the loose grins Stewy will flash his way when one of the other students gets a calculus equation wrong or mistranslates a sentence, like their failure is a victory for them. Stewy likes how Kendall lights up when he does that, his mouth making a much more private small smile. Kendall likes that Stewy goes by Stewy and how the other boys will call him Stuart to bother him and Stewy won’t even acknowledge them. Stewy likes that Kendall lets people call him Kenny with an easy smile even though he hates it.an incoherent supercut from boarding school to college
Relationships: Stewy Hosseini/Kendall Roy
Comments: 2
Kudos: 35





	someone you maybe might be love

**Author's Note:**

> yes I wrote a stendall fic no I did not write a stendall fic yes I did
> 
> title from "supercut" by Lorde

Kendall and Stewy met at a boarding school upstate. Even at the age of twelve, the other boys could tell they’re different. They’re _new_ money. Well Kendall is half new money, his mother is loaded with old money, which only makes the other boys look down on him more as if his father is some tyrant who used her to climb the ranks. You can be born into old money and not be old money, it appears. Stewy isn’t actually completely new money either, but his family is new money in the United States, which means he might as well be new money to the other kids. In a sea of old money, they stick out like noticeable litter. 

They don’t like each other at first. It isn’t that they know each other and don’t like each other but rather it is their perceptions of each other, the way the other kids talk about the other. They’re pitted against each other and at twelve they don’t realize that. They don’t sneer at each other or bully one another, they simply just don’t acknowledge each other. In orbit but not interacting. At least for the first year. 

Then Kendall’s mother doesn’t visit him on Parent’s Day. Everyone else’s does, Stewy’s included, and it makes Kendall’s eyes burn with shame as he’s forced to stay in the main hall with all the other kids and their mothers. He tries to act as unaffected as he can, listening to music on his walkman, tracing shapes on his pants with his fingertips. The other kids aren’t watching him, he’s sure, but he feels their judgement anyway. He spots Stewy and his mother. Stewy’s mother dotes on him, homemade sweets and a new watch. She has a warm and pleasant smile as she notes how much her boy has grown. It makes Kendall’s stomach knot up. His mother only gives wry smirks, and this, this is different. This is what they sell on the tvs. This is genuine. Kendall wants it more than anything in the world. He doesn’t know how long he watches but she’s the first of the mothers to leave, pressing a kiss to Stewy’s forehead before going. When she’s leaving, Kendall doesn’t watch her. He watches Stewy. And suddenly he doesn’t dislike him anymore. 

He walks towards Stewy, weaving through pairs of mothers and children, eye on the ball. He doesn’t have a plan. What should he say? No clue, he’ll wing it. He’s always been okay at that. When he gets to Stewy, he says the first thing that he thinks of: “I’m Kendall.” When Stewy responds, he realizes he can’t hear him over his music. He scrambles to take his headphones off before saying “sorry, I didn’t catch that.”

“I said ‘I know.’” Stewy barely holds himself back from smiling, torn between amused and annoyed.

“Yeah, ha, you probably think I’m a total dipshit.” Kendall smiles while saying it, self-deprecation mixed with good humor.

“No, no, _well_ , not total.” Stewy is animated, everything he says has a theatrical element to it.

That’s the beginning. They talk about classes and the weather and some of the other kids in their classes. It’s a slow start, but once the spark ignites, the house lights on fire. Stewy asks Kendall what he’s listening to and Kendall’s eyes alight with excitement as he talks about the album. Stewy decides then that he doesn’t dislike Kendall either. They walk back together to their dorms together and they both wonder why they never spoke before. If you ask Stewy about how it came about, he’ll tell you Kendall came up to him because he didn’t want to be alone. If you ask Kendall, he’ll dodge the question. 

* * *

The years pass and they grow. They’re seventeen and they sit next to each other in classes and Kendall goes to see Stewy’s plays and Stewy sometimes goes to watch Kendall play baseball. They sneak out at night to smoke and talk about the future _(“Oh, dude, it’s totally gonna be you. Who else is gonna take over? Rome?”)_ . They talk about Harvard and how odd it’ll be to leave New York, how they’ll finally be away from all these pricks _(“Yeah but you’ll still be stuck with me.” “That’s what you think.”)_. They understand each other better than anyone else does, and maybe it wouldn’t be that way if they had a bigger pool of people they could get to know. But they don’t. They have the shitty boarding school and so they’re close. But it isn’t entirely circumstantial either. 

Kendall likes that Stewy doesn’t try to fit in, how he holds himself above the old money types, a sort of new-age elitism. Stewy likes that Kendall tries to fit in, likes to watch him try to mold himself into the image of the Kennedys, even though he never can get the impression quite right. Kendall likes the loose grins Stewy will flash his way when one of the other students gets a calculus equation wrong or mistranslates a sentence, like their failure is a victory for them. Stewy likes how Kendall lights up when he does that, his mouth making a much more private small smile. Kendall likes that Stewy goes by Stewy and how the other boys will call him Stuart to bother him and Stewy won’t even acknowledge them. Stewy likes that Kendall lets people call him Kenny with an easy smile even though he hates it. 

Kendall is all heart, Stewy thinks to himself. The weirdest mix of optimism and pessimism. He cares so much about what people think of him, his old man especially. He writes letters to his mom who doesn’t write back and is only ever bite when people say shit to Stewy or about the Roys. He listens so intently and earnestly to everyone and internalizes all of it, only to spout his observations when they’re high. He _cares_ so much. He’s the better half of the duo, for sure, morally and emotionally. Sometimes it’s enough to make Stewy want to be better too, but then Stewy looks at the other students and swallows that down. He hopes Kendall doesn’t drown in all the ugliness. He hopes Kendall realizes he is drowning in all the ugliness. He hopes Kendall never notices. It’s complicated and so he swallows that down too.

_(Except once, they’re both stoned and drunk and sitting outside and Stewy’s looking at Kendall and he says it: you’re all heart, man. He says it sharp, a little disgusted, a little envious. It’s meant to hurt. Kendall knows that and his face gets serious before nodding and asking, “but it’s cool, right?” They don’t bring it up in the morning.)_

* * *

Stewy is valedictorian. His speech is eloquent and dramatic and he’s charismatic and Kendall is the only student who laughs. He doesn’t know if it’s because he’s the only one who gets Stewy’s humor or if the other boys are upset Stewy is the one who actually came out on top. It doesn’t matter either way. Nothing matters except they’re moving on and that the future is so close Kendall can almost touch it.They take a photo together afterwards, large smiles plastered on both of their faces. Logan and the Roy gang are getting restless, the Hosseini’s seem more than content to live in the moment.

“Daddy’s calling,” Stewy whispers to Kendall in a conspiratol tone, a mischievous grin on his face. 

“Oh shut up, dude.” But Kendall is still smiling as he’s rolling his eyes and shoving Stewy.

“Make me.” Stewy replies just as fast, eyebrow raised in challenge. It means nothing, gets him a small jab in the ribs.

“Don’t be such a smartass.”  
“Can’t help it, man, you’re talking to the valedictorian.”

“Yeah, yeah, still wildly unlikeable.” A pause. “I’m proud of you though.”

“It’s just high school, Ken.” Stewy has the expression that just screams exasperation but Kendall knows how much work went into the past few years. To everyone else it may have looked effortless, never asking for help or being caught studying in the library, but Kendall knows, and he knows how much effort went into making it look effortless.

Before Kendall gets to articulate a reply to that, Logan calls him over. Kendall turns to Stewy before he goes, making him promise to meet up in a week or two. Stewy makes a comment about Kendall being clingy. They’re both smiling. 

Logan tells Kendall he’s proud of him that night but why the fuck wasn’t he valedvictorian. 

* * *

They’re in the same business and finance fraternity and they’re still closest to each other. It makes for them to room together. They know each other. No one has to adjust to Kendall’s insomnia and four hours of sleep and no one has to adjust to Stewy’s overwhelming skin routine. It also means they don’t have to really change all that much. In many ways, it is almost like nothing has changed. They grow with each other rather than apart. Well, most of the time that is.

But some days, Kendall doesn’t like Stewy. Somedays Kendall doesn’t like Stewy’s self-serving nature and the way he acts like nothing matters. How sharp he is, how cynical, how blunt he can be to others, how he dresses, how he evades topics he doesn’t want to talk about. But then it passes because for all the bad Stewy is, it’s Stewy. Stewy who he knows and who knows him. It’s Stewy. He can dislike Stewy, but he can never _really_ dislike him, could never hate him. And what Kendall might dislike most about Stewy is how, most of the time, he likes that Stewy is like this: sharp, cynical, blunt, vague, selfish.

Some days Stewy doesn’t like Kendall either but that doesn’t shock him. Stewy has always bordered on having negative feelings about Kendall in some ways. Not outright dislike or despising but rather jealousy and envy and annoyance and anger; it’s never permanent but consistent, a neverending tide. It doesn’t matter. Overall, he does like Kendall. And at the end of the day here’s no one he’d rather be sharing a room with. 

* * *

They’re sitting in their room on their beds, Kendall halfheartedly balancing working on a gender and politics assignment and listening to Stewy. He really does like this class, makes him feel a bit like he’s expanding his views on the world, like he’s bettering himself. He likes listening to Stewy’s rambling more. His voice is familiar and he always makes the most boring shit sound important and interesting and vulgar.

“So I’m sucking Matt’s dick and his girlfriend walks in-”

“Wait, what?”

“Matt, you know, Matt. Plays rugby, has huge fucking thighs, always talking like some Hemingway character. Matt?” Stewy talks like Kendall is the most oblivious person in the world. Like this what he said was the most normal thing in the world. 

“Oh, so,” Kendalls stammering, brow a bit furrowed as he tries to find an eloquent way to phrase it “like you’re gay?”

Stewy only raises an eyebrow before continuing, “anyway his girlfriend walks in, and she’s screaming her head off, which I get. I do. It must’ve been a very distressing situation. But then she starts throwing shit. Guess what she hits me with?”

“What?” Kendall echoes, feeling a bit like everything's off but trying to adapt anyway. It’s weird, he hadn’t known Stewy was gay. Or if not gay at least having physical relations with men. It feels like something he should’ve known. He absently wonders when that happened.

“A psychology textbook. Can you believe that?” When Kendall doesn’t respond, he continues, “left a bruise bigger than my dick, look.” He says, pulling up his t-shirt to show a bruise. It’s a few days old by the looks of it, yellowing at the edges but still purple in the center of it. It blooms against his side and looks awfully painful, larger than Stewy’s hand. 

“Jesus.”

“I know, right? It’s huge.” Stewy carefully lowers his shirt down, careful to not touch the bruise before lying back down.

“You totally deserved it though.”

“Yeah, probably.” He says it nonchalantly and with a grin before he starts talking about this Italian restaurant down the street _(“Dude, I’m telling you these cannolis are so good you’ll cum.”)_. They end up going there that night. It’s pretty damn good.

* * *

The first time they try cocaine is a revelation. Stewy feels alive, like alive alive. Like everything is in color. Like he can actually have the world. It’s good. It’s better than good. One look at Kendall let’s him know Kendall is feeling the exact same way. His eyes have litten up in a way they haven’t in a while, his pupils blown wide and a dopey grin on his face. He looks nice like this, free and happy, it makes him look almost handsome, Stewy thinks. They’re at this party. Shit music is playing. It might as well be the best music he’s ever heard though. Stewy wishes he could stay in this moment forever. Fuck the school work and working and talking to other people. This would be enough. He’s good right now. 

* * *

Not every time is like the first time. One time when they’re high, they get nasty with each other. A genuine nasty It’s a fight for the books. It isn’t a childish disagreement where they laugh one another off or they’re willing to see each other in good nature. It starts over nothing until it builds into something. It’s a game until it isn’t. Stewy revels in the fight until he doesn’t. The words are chosen to hurt, and they do hurt. It’s messy. 

_(Phrases like: daddy’s bitch, selfish asshole, impotent motherfucker, idiot. Sentiments like: all your worth is because where you're from, there’s a reason people don’t like you, I wish we never met)._

Kendall pushes him in the chest, not hard but it’s surprising enough that Stewy stumbles. Kendall’s face crumples immediately in regret but Stewy reacts before he can register it and punches him in the face. It’s not the best punch he’s ever thrown but it’s not the worst. Stewy’s ring makes contact with Kendall’s lip.

The fight bleeds from both of them. Neither apologize. 

(“Are we good?” “Yeah, were good.”) 

Kendall’s lip is swollen in the morning and bleeds when he smiles at breakfast. They don’t talk about it. They don’t explain it to their classmates either. They know, they’re the only ones who need to know.

* * *

They go to Greece on Spring Break in their sophomore year and spend the days at the beach. Kendall burns on their second day and Stewy won’t stop making fun of how red he is. It’s the fun kind of making fun though, where Kendall knows what page Stewy is on. Stewy is the one who buys aloe vera for him afterwards and reminds him to put sunscreen on every day after. He never does it nicely andhe does it while rolling his eyes and commenting about how he’s not Kendall’s keeper. He still does it though. He doesn’t think about why, simply doesn’t have the will to do it.

The ocean is nice and they play like they are boys. Swimming out to see who can go furthest, dunking each other under, floating beside the other. The water is warm and beautiful when they spend hours out there every day. Sometimes they’ll also go for a night swim and then the water is cool and it’s so dark they can barely see each other. Stewy likes those swims the best, the night ones. It feels like the world doesn’t exist. No one is watching him, well, except Kendall. There’s hardly anyone on the beach so it’s quiet too, just the sounds of the waves and them moving and their laughter. The cold waters makes his legs numb and then he feels stimetamously weightless and heavy. It makes the racing more fun. He likes the way he doesn’t have to worry about Kendall getting burnt too.

At some point, Stewy figures this is the perfect time to grow a beard, that his face has retained too much of its boyishness even though he’s twenty. The beard makes him look like a different person. Even though it’s a bit unkempt and patchy, he likes it. It makes him look, well, different. It’s like putting a mask on, it’s decoration. Not really him. 

“Jesus, they’re not gonna recognize us.” Kendall says on the flight back home.

“Yeah, I mean, you got red and I got hot.”

* * *

Kendall can’t help but laugh when Stewy adds a theater minor. It makes so much sense. He’d loved it in school and he’d always had a natural talent for it: lying and being believable about it, being expressive, making the people feel like they’re in on it, being the center of attention. Everyone else thinks it’s odd and Stewy says some of the theater kids were fucking weird about it, but it makes perfect sense to Kendall.

* * *

Stewy is an asshole. He’s never pretended to be something else. So Kendall is never really shocked when he’s been sexiled and he has to wait in the living room for some pretty girl to leave. Stewy will usually follow a few minutes afters and tell Kendall it’s clear, having lit a candle like that’ll completely rid the room of the scent of sex. He buys those sweet smelling ones from bed, bath, and bodyworks. They do a pretty good job but not enough. Kendall doesn’t mind, he went to an all boys boarding school and now lives in a fraternity. It happens enough that sometimes Kendall forgets that Stewy isn’t exclusively into women.

Of course that’s until Josh from their econ class walks out of the house. Kendall doesn’t think twice, waves to him on his way out, thinking he might have been visiting someone. Then comes Stewy a few minutes later, saying that the coast is clear. He’s never brought a guy back to the frat house. It’s different. New. It must mean something.

“Are you two, like, dating?” Kendall asks once they’re in their room.

“What the fuck, Ken? Are you crazy?” When Kendall doesn’t immediately answer in the two second gap Stewy leaves him, Stewy continues, enunciating every word, “Holy shit, you’ve actually lost it.”

“I haven’t lost it, asshole. I’m trying to be supportive, y’know.” He says this with a hand gesture that means absolutely nothing as he looks to the side.

Stewy still looks bewildered, lets out a deep exhale, and then laughs. Laughs because god, why not? It’s full and round and fills the room. And when he regains his composure, he puts his hand on Kendall’s shoulder in a serious way and says “Well, you see, Kendall, when two people like each other very much,” before he starts laughing again. 

“You’re a dick.” But there’s a bit of a smile creeping up on Kendall’s face, small but Stewy catches it.

“Come on, dude, you totally set yourself up for that. I mean me, Stewart Hosseini, in an actual relationship? Jesus.”

Stewy heads to take a shower, shaking his head, chuckling to himself at the absurdity of the idea. The room smells like vanilla and the windows are open. It’s no different than any time before. It’s comforting in a way. Kendall doesn’t know what he’d do if Stewy did start dating someone. Where Kendall has dated a few girls and got his heart broken, Stewy hasn’t. He’s abstained from any level of commitment. Stewy likes people the same way a child likes a toy: temporarily and shallowly. He doesn’t hide it either. He’s not cruel about it and he doesn’t lead people on. He can’t imagine Stewy actively pursuing a relationship, wanting to be around someone, falling in love, being kind and tender. He can’t imagine Stewy with a broken heart.

* * *

Seeing each other naked is to be expected. They live together, after all. They’ve seen each other naked more times than they’ve probably seen any other person naked. It’s what it is. Just another catch of living with or in close proximity to someone for eleven years. But this time is different. It’s the first day back in the house and the sun is shining in the room, catching on a piece of metal, stunning Kendall.

“Uh, what the hell is that?” 

“What is what?” Stewy looks around the room, barely awake, groggy and not spotting anything. Kendall gestures at Stewy. It takes a good second for Stewy to realize before he lets out a small huff of laughter. “What the hell does it look like, Ken? It’s a nipple piercing.”

“Who are you, Tommy Lee?” And Kendall can’t help but laugh as Stewy turns over and puts his head under his pillow, trying to chase sleep.

* * *

“I don’t think we can use Jake anymore.” Jake is their drug dealer, he’s a year older than them and had always been convenient and courteous to them. He’s not a friend by any means, but it’s good to have that connection. 

“What the hell did you do?” Stewy says a little aghast and a little accusing, eyes narrowing.

“Why do you think I did something?” Kendall has the audacity to act shocked at the blame. 

“Because you’re telling me this, dude.”

“Didn’t you hear, don't blame the bearer of bad news? Maybe it’s your fault?” 

“I know it’s not my fault.” He jutted his chin out, sure of it. 

Kendall pauses before responding. “Well, it’s not my fault. Dad screwed over his dad though and the news just hit today.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah.”

“And he knows you buy for me so…”

“So you just got me fucking blacklisted.”

“Not me.”

“Okay, the Roy family name. Same difference.”

* * *

Surprisingly, they’re not high the first time they fool around. There’s no weed, no cocaine. There is some alcohol involved. Not enough to black out but the kinds of tipsy where they’re a bit goofy and loose, where their movements feel like they’re moving through honey and things feel a bit blurred on the edges. 

They’re talking about recent conquests. Well, Stewy is. Kendall hasn’t gotten laid in over a month. Nora had broken up with him two weeks ago, and he found it hard to move on even though they hadn’t been intimate in a way and he knew the breakup was coming. It’s been so long since he’s fucked that he’s starting to think that these stories, which he’d usually find amusing more than anything, are hot. He’s just tipsy enough that he doesn’t feel humiliated by the fact either. Instead he’s just focusing on the details and the feeling of heat pooling in the pit of his stomach.

Stewy notices after a few minutes that Kendall isn’t reacting. He looks across the room and sees that Kendall’s laying on his bed, which isn’t unusual in itself, but his eyes are half-closed, his lips are slightly parted, and there’s a slight bulge that’s noticeable through his grey sweatpants. He’s seen Kendall horny, seen him dance with girls at parties, seen him come out of the bathroom after he has taken extra long parties. He’s seen it but now he realizes he’s never really _seen_ it. More importantly, he’s never been the reason. It’s- well, it’s interesting. He keeps going about for a few minutes, adding more detail than necessary, unable to look away, cataloging the miniscule reactions Kendall has. 

“Do you need some help with that?” Stewy feels confident in this play. It’s not that Stewy is itching to get his best friend off. He’s mostly curious about what Kendall will say, curious about he’ll react under his touch, how he’ll look. He’s curious in a sort of detached way. 

He feels electric when Kendall laughs incredulously and only nods. He feels electric when he heads over to Kendall’s bed and sits on the edge of it. He doesn’t know why. The taboo nature of it, probably. He’s messed around with self-proclaimed straight guys before and that had always gave him a rush on top of fucking. But this is Kendall. Kendall is in a whole different ballpark of men he should not touch. It makes his fingers buzz more than it should. Fucking Kendall. Kendall still smiles as he shimmies out of his sweatpants like the total dork that he is. 

He’s half hard but it doesn’t take him long to get fully hard. His face flushes and his chest heaves, little moans escaping him. Stewy doesn’t talk. It’s not gentle or tender or rough. This isn’t an act of love. This might as well be nothing. This is one friend helping the other out. It is something though. Something far too casual for what they’re doing. Kendall cums without warning and his face scrunches up and his eyes close and it’s a totally average cumming face, but Stewy is still entranced. 

Kendall offers to reciprocate through a yawn. Stewy laughs. He says he’ll cover it himself. And he does. He lies in his bed and starts to rub himself, thinking about it. When he looks over, Kendall is watching and Stewy just raises an arrogant brow. Then he puts on a show.

* * *

Stewy is cast as Brutus. Of course he is. It’s his first show and there are seniors who would have killed for the role but then Stewy sweeps in and gets the role. He’s proud and smug and Kendalls never read Shakespeare, but he thinks Stewy might be perfect for the role from what he remembers about history. He wonders who that makes him. He knows. He doesn’t think about it too deeply. He also thinks about what that says about Stewy, he also doesn’t think about that.

The night after Stewy learns about it, he insists Kendall read lines with him. It doesn’t take much for Kendall to comply although it’s not something he does cheerily. While reading, Kendall comes to the realization that they, Stewy and Brutus, are somehow more alike and less alike than he thought. Brutus may be more noble about his intentions but they’re both calculated and eloquent and will always do what they think is best in the end. Stewy just does what he thinks is best for him, Brutus acts for Rome. Maybe it’s just projecting. Maybe he just wants Stewy to have his reasons for the things he does, for him to be a secret hero. It, as most things he thinks about Stewy, make him feel contradictory feelings. 

That night, after they’ve finished the quick read through and they’re closer to sunrise than sundown, Kendall wonders if maybe Stewy is the most interesting part about him.

The frat uses Stewy’s casting to throw a toga party under the guise of celebration. It’s far from original, but it’s cliches enough for it to be a classic though. It’s popular too. After all, who doesn’t love half-dressed men and scantily dressed women? It’s silly but when everyone does it, you do forget just how silly it is. It’s still silly, of course, but It’s that aspect of camaraderie and well, _fraternity_ that makes it okay.

Stewy is adorned with a laurel wreath as the guest of honor. Kendall rolls his eyes at the sights he just knows it’s going to make Stewy’s ego unbearably large. He does make an image though. Not that Kendall will admit it, he doesn’t want to add to Stewy’s vanity.

Stewy also pushed for decent wine to be used instead of beer, citing it was more accurate but mostly because he hates the taste of beer. This also makes Kendall roll his eyes. He’s never understood that. They had drank the same shitty cocktails and beer growing up but somewhere, most likely in the summers between, Stewy had gotten a snobbish nature of drinks. He’d drink cheap stuff but he always made a show of making a face to Kendall and downing it in front of everyone else with a small smirk. It’s the same as everything else: put together in front of everyone else and playful but still put together in front of him.

Sometime during the night, when Stewy is talking to a girl with long blonde hair and gold makeup, Kendall wonders if the other boys know. It is hard to know where the public persona of Stewy ends and where the private begins. 

And of course, there’s cocaine. 

Stewy does not end up with the blonde goddess with the blonde hair that night. He ends up with Kendall. Stewy laughs a little too cruelly when Kendall kisses him, the soppy romantic, and stops it. This, Stewy knows, should not be romantic and so he removes his mouth. This doesn’t deter Kendall who clumsily whispers a line from Julius Caesar through a laugh “now, uh, leap in with me into this angry flood” into the shell of Stewy’s ear.

He knows Kendall doesn’t understand the context of the line or what it means, but the fact is, it stirs him further into movement. In its own way, it is almost sweet but in the most grotesque way possible. In a way that makes it digestible. And so they kiss, but still Stewy does not allow it to be soft or tender. Harsh and like a fight, like he’s trying to bruise Kendall worse than his ring ever could.

Kendall ends up on his knees in front of him. He’s a bit clumsy but eager which counts for something, he thinks. Nervous too. And for a second, he just stays positioned like that, neither of them moving. There’s no going back once they do.

* * *

Their dynamic doesn’t really change. Handjobs and blowjobs are just thrown in the equation. They don’t know what it means to themselves, to each other, so they don’t talk about it.

Stewy does think about it though. He thinks about how it’s just fooling around, but it feels like there’s a game afoot and there’s always a loser and always a winner when there’s a game. To be honest, he doesn’t even consider he’ll be the loser. It seems impossible. As long as he doesn’t overinvest, he’ll be fine. And that’s how he plans to keep it.

Kendall doesn’t know why he keeps initiating or going along with it. He really doesn’t. But then he has Stewy panting under him and he can’t imagine why he wouldn’t. Or Stewy’ll be touching him and he doesn’t even question it. Maybe it was just a natural progression of their relationship.

It’s as normal as they make it.

* * *

Kendall tries so hard to not be pretentious but because who he is, he is pretentious. Stewy has no idea how to explain it to him. It’s like he’s a caricature mocking the common man without noticing it sometimes, and it’s not even that he’s disrespectful, it’s just so obvious he doesn’t fit in. So he doesn’t explain. He just goes along with it, knowing they both stand out for different reasons. As Ken looks through the hip hop records _(“because vinyl is legit”)_ , he absentmindedly looks through the discount section. He doesn’t really like any particular style of music, he just likes what he likes. Kendall doesn’t understand that, Kendall is all about lyrics and beats and his own interpretation of what makes music good (“there has to be a sense of rawness and real to it, man. It’s got to make sense.”), and Stewy doesn’t know about that. Not really, but he’ll nod along because there’s no point arguing with Kendall about it though.

Kendall ends up getting a stack of records, some he read about it and some he heard about it some he had no fucking clue about. Stewy ends up getting a Fleetwood Mac record and when Kendall laughs and asks why, he shrugs and says offhandedly it’s a classic.

* * *

Kendall goes for runs. It’s a habit. He’ll go out at four in the morning, when he can’t sleep, and he’ll run. Massachusetts is still waking up and the air is cold and harsh in his lungs. He’ll just run. Sometimes it’s a short two mile run sometimes he’ll go up to five. He uses the time to think about everything. About school and how he needs to get his grades up and if he should get a tutor, if he should go visit his mom this summer, about if he _wants_ to go home for Christmas even though he definitely will, about the nice girl who offered him a pencil in his business writing class. He runs until he feels like everything is organized enough to deal with.

Kendall’s smart. He is. Maybe not in the way one expects, but he does know how deals work. It’s about giving and seeing just how much you’ll give to get what you want. That’s the way the world works and Kendall knows that better than anyone. Kendall just wonders: _what do I have to give?_

He runs. Then he goes back and showers and steals the hot water before any of the other boys wake up. 

* * *

The play is good. Like actually really good. Kendall brings Stewy a shitty bouquet on the opening night with some sarcastic comment. He goes to every showing. They don’t say anything about it. No one else does either.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> any and all out of character dialogue and scenes are because I'm projecting. I actually had to just quit writing this because it was making me crazy. there was more in theory but, yknow.
> 
> songs that hit:  
> Harvey by The Her's (But no one really knows me like Harvey/ And once you've met him I'm sure you'll agree)  
> Supercut by Lorde  
> Super Rich Kids by Frank Ocean ft. Earl Sweatshirt (We end our day up on the roof/ I say I'll jump, I never do/ But when I'm drunk I act a fool)


End file.
